The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

Previous Dates

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My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”

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What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

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I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...

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What does a dentist get on his one-year work anniversary?

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What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?

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Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

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Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says:

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I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

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What's Snoop Dog's favorite cereals?

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What do you call a noodle that doesn’t drink?

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How do knights communicate?

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Golfer: Caddiemaster, this boy you assigned me isn't even five years old!

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How do you split the ocean in half?

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I hate to say this.

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Two drums and a cymbal fall out of a tree

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How do you tie up 2 Martians?

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What do you do after an Apple turns bad?

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My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.

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I have my grandma on speed-dial

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What’s brown and sticky?

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What did the archer get when he hit a bull's-eye?

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My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...

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Why couldn't the Olympian listen to music?

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Just read an article about the top ten exposed electrical circuits.

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Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?

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What do you call two trans midgets havin sex?

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A horse walks into a bar...

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Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”

2

What has two butts and kills people?

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I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.”