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Why couldn't the Olympian listen to music?
Because he kept breaking all the records.
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My wife and I bought a water bed recently but ever since then...
...we’ve drifted apart.
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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Kid: No, he did it all by himself!
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Do you wanna know how I escaped ISIS?
Iran
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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