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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
I consoled her. She was crying.
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Previous Dates
0
What do you call a pissed off redhead?
A gingersnap!
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0
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
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0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
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0
What did the latino man sing when he lost his job?
Living la Vida Broke-a
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-1
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
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0
Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters
All I found was 13,769 matches
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0
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
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0
There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.
It's going rival.
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1
Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?
Because they’ve got a Supreme Ruler.
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0
What does a turtle do on their birthday?
They shellabrate
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0
Why are Russian cars so terrible?
Because no matter what gear they get Putin, they seem to always be Stalin..
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0
I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
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0
I'm a catholic
I've been addicted to cats my whole life
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0
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
It improves division.
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-2
I have sex daily
Edit: I have dyslexia*
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0
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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3
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...
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0
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
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0
I'd like to start dieting...
...but I just have too much on my plate right now.
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0
Why did the smartphone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts.
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0
I know loads of jokes about cash machines.
I just can't think of one atm.
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1
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
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1
My wife says she's good at yoga.
I think she's a poser.
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0
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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0
To the man who invented 0
Thanks for nothing
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0
Who is the patron saint of e-mail?
St. Francis of a CC.
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0
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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0
What is a mummy's favorite music genre?
Wrap
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2
I just flew in from a Transformers convention
And boy are my arms tires
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2
Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station.
Investigators have nothing to go on.
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0
Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?
Dad: No problem. (To me) Hey, you live with this guy from now on.
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Joke of the Day
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
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