The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

Previous Dates

3

Its getting too hot to wear a suit

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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

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What did the painter do when it got cold...

1

Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho. Son: you mean marathon.

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Time flies when you're having fun.

1

I ran over 5 miles today

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture

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Where does an electric cord go to shop?

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If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?

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The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear...

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What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

1

What superhero gets hurt the easiest?

1

What do you call a slow moving poop?

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I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help

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Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?

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What do you call a fat psychic?

3

Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

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What kind of shoes do spies wear?

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Call me a taxi!

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June’s over?

-1

What do you call a noodle that doesn’t drink?

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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

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Why shouldn't you shower with a Pokemon around?

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Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.

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People say I have equivocal thoughts

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As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”

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The other day my best friend met his fate after accidentally falling into a printing press at work.

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After 20 years of working on it, I finally finished my physics book.

-1

I'm a walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation,

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What do you call a witch who lives in the desert?