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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dad wanted me to become a fruit farmer like him but I always told him I was scared to do it.
So he told me to grow a pear.
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Previous Dates
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I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
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How did Luke get around while on Endor?
Ewoked
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For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” they ever met.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
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0
Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?
Because of her crash diet
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Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
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0
“Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dadglasses?”
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I just found out Canada isn’t real
Turns out it was all mapleleaf
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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb
Let's go ride bikes!
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Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?
They make a lot of money.
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0
I’ve just won a few hands in poker.
Some people really will gamble anything.
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0
What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
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What do thieves make their weapons from?
Steal.
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What do you call an average potato who tells you the play-by-play action in sports?
Commentator.
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0
So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,
NaBrO
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0
It was mealtime on a small airline, and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like dinner. "What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no."
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0
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...
I guess it was the delivery!
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1
What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase?
A branch manager!
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0
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
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0
Rated
This joke will be underrated.
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0
Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”
Me: Audios!
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0
What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A deck of carbs!
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-1
What training do you need to become a garbage collector
None you just pick it up as you go along
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0
What did the banana say to the judge?
"I'm sure to win this case on a-peel!"
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0
I forgot where I threw my boomerang.
Oh. . . it's coming back to me now!
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I need a new butt
Mine has a crack in it
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What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?
A civil engineer
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0
Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.
Especially if you take them when you are driving.
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0
A prosthetics company was going out of business.
It was on its last legs.
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2
I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathemachicken.
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0
What did the banana say to the judge?
"I'm sure to win this case on a-peel!"
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0
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One's a pop fly. The other's a fly pop.
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Joke of the Day
My dad wanted me to become a fruit farmer like him but I always told him I was scared to do it.
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