The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

1

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

Previous Dates

0

The other day my best friend met his fate after accidentally falling into a printing press at work.

0

After 20 years of working on it, I finally finished my physics book.

-1

I'm a walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation,

0

What do you call a witch who lives in the desert?

0

[Walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough,

0

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

0

I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.

0

This graveyard looks overcrowded.

1

Why did the Muffin go to the doctor?

0

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

0

Im going to be a circumcision doctor...

0

Never, ever invest in Velcro....

0

Keep the Earth clean.

0

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender looks at him and says

1

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

0

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump’s wall

0

Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?

0

How does am armless man play poker?

0

Why shouldn't sandwiches have kids?

0

The person who invented autocorrect

0

What do you call a happy rabbit?

0

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

0

Where do naughty rainbows go?

2

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.

0

What did the painter do when it got cold...

11

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?

0

People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.

0

How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?

0

Doctor: I'm sorry sir, but you have colon cancer...

0

What do you call a funky car?

0

What do you call when you have your grandmother on speed dial?