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My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined!
She lost 120 lbs. I gained 20.
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When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils… they dilate.
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What did the flower say to the bicycle?
"Petal! Petal!"
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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?
Because he got his foot stuck in a quack.
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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