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Before my operation, my doctor gave me the option to be knocked out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
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Why did the female mushroom ask the male mushroom on a date?
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My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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