The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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My dad wanted me to become a fruit farmer like him but I always told him I was scared to do it.

Previous Dates

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The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Cheetahs. Cheetahs who?

1

Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?

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After a few years, talked with my ex-wife and she still misses me

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Did you hear about the angry pancake?

9

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

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What do you call a grandfather clock?

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Where do you take somebody that has been injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?

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I bet none of you will see this one coming

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Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together.

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What's the difference between "comma" and "coma"?

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I once dated a girl in ISIS

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Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

1

Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?

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My dog accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles today..

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Which food should you only eat in the bathroom?

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The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, everyone will say,

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My daughter texted me wondering why I was so happy all day.

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When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back.

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My friend David just lost his ID.

4

Why don’t blind people skydive?

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What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?

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Finally left my job at the circus where I was part of the human pyramid

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I quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big or strong enough.

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Why couldn’t the sailors play cards?

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Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker.

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What does Devil use to make calls?

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If I dont perfect human cloning..

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My wife sent me an article that says men's beards have more germs than dogs.

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Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

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To be frank