The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

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I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.

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How did Luke get around while on Endor?

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For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” they ever met.

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Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?

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Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?

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“Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

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I just found out Canada isn’t real

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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb

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Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?

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I’ve just won a few hands in poker.

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What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

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What do thieves make their weapons from?

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What do you call an average potato who tells you the play-by-play action in sports?

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So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

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It was mealtime on a small airline, and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like dinner. "What are my choices?" he asked.

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While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...

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What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase?

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My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…

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Rated

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Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”

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What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

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What training do you need to become a garbage collector

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What did the banana say to the judge?

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I forgot where I threw my boomerang.

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I need a new butt

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What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?

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Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.

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A prosthetics company was going out of business.

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I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

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What did the banana say to the judge?