The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?

Previous Dates

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Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed

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I was rejected from the astronaut academy

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I have a pen that can write underwater.

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Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

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Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”

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Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

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I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

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How programmers curse?

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For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

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My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.

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We all know the show was called Spongebob Squarepants

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I asked my wife what she thought of my peeing skills, on a scale of 1-10...

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My wife divorced me because I'm a compulsive gambler...

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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

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I like playing chess with old people in the park...

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Why is 19 afraid of 20?

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An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance

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I invented a new game called Silent Tennis.

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Why are there no knock-knock jokes in America?

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I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

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What makes a dad joke a dad joke?

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What fish is the best fighter?

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My girlfriend left me because I'm insecure

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Dad, I'm hungry!

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The hardest part of learning to ride a bike is

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Why was the Argentine man shaky?

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Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

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Did you hear about the football team that doesn't have a website

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Wanna hear something breathtaking

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Once a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese.