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What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
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What's the difference between a guitar, a fish, and glue?
You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.
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I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling,
but it's definitely up there!
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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