The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?

Previous Dates

1

I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.

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What happens when you don’t pay the priest for your exorcism?

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Broken guitar for sale.

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What jokes are allowed during lockdown?

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How does a cup hang a picture?

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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today

-1

My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

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What do you call a guy who brings your daughter home late?

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A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.

4

My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.

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Don’t stare at a glass of water.

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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?

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I ate a clock last week.

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I really hate the direction my country is moving...

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Why are skeletons so calm?

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?

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Give a man a plane ticket, he'll fly for a day.

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Golf pro: Now I want you to go through the motions without actually hitting the ball.

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What does a panda fry its bamboo in?

0

What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?

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Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?

-1

Many people have decent hand-eye coordination.

1

How did the whale defend itself?

0

Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.

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What color do cats like best?

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What do you call it when you go back for another helping of ice cream?

0

Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.

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Why was the Genie angry?

-1

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.