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I was kidnapped by mimes once

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As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 3,141 trees.

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Wife: "Honey, I'm Pregnant."

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You guys hear about the depressed plumber?

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Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

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6

My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer

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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

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1

What do you call an iron deficient female?

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0

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

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Why do most married men die before their wives?

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How do you know if a potato had a great day?

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0

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

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My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’

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3

I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

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1

Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.

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0

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

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0

I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”

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0

How does the ocean say hello?

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0

Last year I started investing in chicken stock.

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Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?

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What did they call the first emperor of Rome who had epilepsy?

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How do snowboarders introduce themselves?

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1

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.

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My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...

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1

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

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0

Converting the number 51, 6 and 500 to Roman numerals doesn’t just make me mad....

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0

What do you call a funky car?

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0

What's the one thing a homeless man can't be?

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0

What jumps higher than a building?

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

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What do thieves make their weapons from?

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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 3,141 trees.

Wife: "Honey, I'm Pregnant."

You guys hear about the depressed plumber?

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer

I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

What do you call an iron deficient female?

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

Why do most married men die before their wives?

How do you know if a potato had a great day?

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’

I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”

How does the ocean say hello?

Last year I started investing in chicken stock.

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?

What did they call the first emperor of Rome who had epilepsy?

How do snowboarders introduce themselves?

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.

My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Converting the number 51, 6 and 500 to Roman numerals doesn’t just make me mad....

What do you call a funky car?

What's the one thing a homeless man can't be?

What jumps higher than a building?

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

What do thieves make their weapons from?

Search Jokes

Joke of the Day

I was kidnapped by mimes once

Todays Joke

I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 3,141 trees.

Wife: "Honey, I'm Pregnant."

You guys hear about the depressed plumber?

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer

I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

What do you call an iron deficient female?

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

Why do most married men die before their wives?

How do you know if a potato had a great day?

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’

I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”

How does the ocean say hello?

Last year I started investing in chicken stock.

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?

What did they call the first emperor of Rome who had epilepsy?

How do snowboarders introduce themselves?

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.

My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Converting the number 51, 6 and 500 to Roman numerals doesn’t just make me mad....

What do you call a funky car?

What's the one thing a homeless man can't be?

What jumps higher than a building?

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

What do thieves make their weapons from?

Search Jokes

Joke of the Day

I was kidnapped by mimes once

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