The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

Previous Dates

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Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?

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Why was the Argentine man shaky?

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I ordered a book of puns last week,

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My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

1

My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.

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I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.

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How often should a person make a chemistry joke?

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How do you know if a potato had a great day?

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Why was the pancake arrested?

1

I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

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What weighs less than blue ?

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My clock broke.

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"Hey dad, I'm taking a shower"

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Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

6

There is a cult where they don’t believe in using coins.

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Can't imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is

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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?

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Why didn't the dad shower before telling his joke?

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I quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big or strong enough.

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Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

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What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

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How does Moses make coffee?

1

How do celebrities stay cool?

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Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...

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Justice is a dish best served cold,

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during his root canal?

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When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave

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What Do You Call A Cheap Circumcision?

1

I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.

2

How do short people cut their pizza?

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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.