The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

Previous Dates

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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

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There are 10 types of people:

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I don’t usually make puns about dividing numbers..

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Why did Shakespeare’s wife walk out on him?

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How do mountains see?

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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?

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How do you tuna fish?

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To the man who invented 0

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I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?

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Why did the octopus blush?

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What do you call two female lovers spying on the government.

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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer

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What training do you need to become a garbage collector

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My therapist just told me that my exhibitionism addiction is incurable.

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To all the coworkers who have talked about me behind my back:

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Student: Why are we dissecting mushrooms?

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My son needed help with his writing homework. 'Is it further or farther?' he asked me.

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Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

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How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

2

Someone who likes playing racing games online is..

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How do you call the smartest mountain?

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Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

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To whoever stole my anti depressants

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I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

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People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah?

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What do you call a caveman's fart?

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I was gonna post a joke about Sodium

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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have:

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I just sold my vacuum...

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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?