The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

Previous Dates

2

How do short people cut their pizza?

0

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

0

I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”

1

I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.

0

What begins with “f” and ends in “uck”

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I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

0

I met some aliens from outer space.

0

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

0

Being a cardiac surgeon...

1

Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

0

My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..

0

Why can't you play basketball with pigs?

0

What do you call an ugly dinosaur?

0

I'm going to have my spine removed

2

There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.

0

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

1

I went to buy camouflage pants,

0

Why did Waldo wear stripes?

1

Why did the cat run away from the tree?

0

I used to be indecisive

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I entered a horse themed costume contest dressed up as an elephant

0

Why does the ocean roar?

-2

A midget stumbles out of the bar...

0

What does a turtle do on their birthday?

0

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

0

When's the best time to go to the dentist?

0

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.

1

What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?

1

A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

3

I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

0

Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.