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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."
That way I can tell people that I go to the jim first thing every morning.
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Did you hear about the Italian chef who joined the army?
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims
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An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?
Because it was yellow.
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Would anyone be interested in being my companion?
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