The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

8

How does a computer get drunk?

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Today I launched a book aimed at 9-12 year olds.

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I used to work at a calendar factory,

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Here's one...

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How does a penguin build a house?

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I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said,

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What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?

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What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?

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I just spent $300 for a limousine and found out it doesnt come with a driver.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

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I'm going to have my spine removed

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I hate to say this.

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Just read an article about the top ten exposed electrical circuits.

1

Somebody said that my father is older than dirt.

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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

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What's the cheapest meat?

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What do you tell Simba when he's moving too slow?

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A magician was driving down the street.

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I said it once and I'll say it again

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"Hey dad, I'm taking a shower"

1

If you bury someone in the wrong place,

1

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

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Why are skeletons so calm?

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What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?

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What did the hippie tell his friend who said he couldn't stay on his couch anymore?

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What is black and white and red all over?

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I've been accused of plagiarism

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What did 0 say to 8?

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I had a friend who always said...

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Time flies like an arrow.