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In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
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Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
Patient: Great! I've always wanted to play an instrument.
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What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.
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Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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