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Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?
Because of her crash diet
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My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol
He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles
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What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hoptimist
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I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
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