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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”
I said “Not likely, I mean what are the odds of two of them being in the same car?”
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
Wife: The garage, the driveway, your car...
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What does Superman have in his drink?
Just ice.
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Would anyone be interested in being my companion?
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