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Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”
Me: Audios!
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My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson
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Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, “A beer please! And one for the road!”
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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