The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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After a fish was arrested for swimming without a license, he eventually posted bail.

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Why are people talking about Mayweather?

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While I was at the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.

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Wanted to go and buy a used smartwatch

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

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Invent a drink called "Responsibly"

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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

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They say the next big innovation in air travel is completely transparent planes, but I don’t know...

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture

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What did the tree do when the bank was closed?

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You know what really makes my day?

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Why can't you play basketball with pigs?

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

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Why did the fish blush?

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My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry,

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Next time your wife is angry, give her a towel as cape.

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Wife asked me why i don't take her anywhere.

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Why do bees hum?

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Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?

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NASCAR bans the confederate flag?

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What kind of sickness does a martial artist get?

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Why do birds fly south?

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What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?

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myspacebarhasarestrainingorderagainstme

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How do you call the smartest mountain?

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Where do you take somebody that has been injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?

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I’ve just won a few hands in poker.

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Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?

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Why do giraffes have long necks?

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I just flew in from a Transformers convention

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If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”