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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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What do Spanish clocks say?
Tick-taco
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Previous Dates
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…
But it was his dumb asphalt…
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Student: Why are we dissecting mushrooms?
Teacher: Because studying fungus is a cultured way to mold young minds.
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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..
"Where are the reinforcemints"
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My best friend keeps telling me to “cheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”
I know he means well.
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What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
"Bison"
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A ten year old boy broke his knee...
Doctors had to do the kidney replacement surgery.
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When life gives you melons
you might be dyslexic.
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My mum didn't like my report card. She said "I want more A's".
I said okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
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Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"
Because you're not around.
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What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?
400 Million Dollars.
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You guys hear about the depressed plumber?
He’s going through a lot of crap right now.
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Lying about my age is easier
now that I often forget what it is.
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?
No, he's avoiding a kidnapping.
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Considering getting my circumcision reversed.
Anyone have any tips?
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You know people say they pick their nose?
I was just born with mine.
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A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station.
Now you know why they call it a workstation.
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What's green, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree, could kill you?
A pool table!
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“Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dadglasses?”
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Me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000 Her: sure
Me: K
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Vodka may not be the answer,
but it’s worth a shot.
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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?
Because he got his foot stuck in a quack.
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It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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Although my friend has a lot of hair, he’s paranoid about going bald.
I told him, “It’s all in your head.”
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I'm a catholic
I've been addicted to cats my whole life
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What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Joke of the Day
What do Spanish clocks say?
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