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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
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My wife just yelled at me, "You haven't listened to a single word I've said"
I thought that was a pretty odd way to start a conversation
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When I was born I was so surprised,
I didn't talk for a year and a half.
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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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