The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

Previous Dates

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My wife is threatening to leave me because I’m addicted to wearing a new T-shirt every half an hour.

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What does Donald Trump hate listening to?

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Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

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Did you know most people are assholes?

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I'm trying to get my son into books.

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My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

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Why did the man leave his date at the restaurant?

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

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Wanna hear a ghost joke?

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Her:I don’t even know what the cloning machine does

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I think my iPhone's broken

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You know what actually makes me smile?

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I bet none of you will see this one coming

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Anyone can be buried after they die...

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What I if told you

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Major: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning, Sergeant!”

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How do you get two whales in a car?

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I was accused of being a plagiarist,

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I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked to take 2, he said no.

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Why should you never date an apostrophe?

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What is the cleanest language in the world?

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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies

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Which cult is the toughest?

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A furniture store keeps calling me...

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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

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“Doc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.” Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

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I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.

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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."

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England doesn't have a kidney bank.

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Did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home?

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What do you say to someone you tried to drown but didn't succeed?