The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?

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"Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

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I had a dream I was floating in some sort of orange liquid.

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My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.

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What music are balloons scared of?

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Why do boxers have TGIF written on the inside of their shoes?

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My wife is threatening to leave me because I’m addicted to wearing a new T-shirt every half an hour.

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Why did the guy get arrested for having sex with a piano?

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After 20 years of working on it, I finally finished my physics book.

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They'll never win a war on drugs.

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Did you hear about the houses next door to each other that fell in love?

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Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

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Call me a taxi!

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I can count on one hand how many times I've visited Chernobyl

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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor

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A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"

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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?

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Which food should you only eat in the bathroom?

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I lost five pounds last week,

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I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

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Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good

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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

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If you have diarrhea,

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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

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How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises.

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I’m not super experienced with wood carving.

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Just read an article about the top ten exposed electrical circuits.

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Watched a movie in 1440p for the first time yesterday.

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Why did the tomato blush?