The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

Previous Dates

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Why couldn't the computer take his hat off?

2

Why don’t you breed an eel with an eagle?

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My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

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You have to act quickly during a flood.

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What do sprinters eat before a race?

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I would do a steak joke..

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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.

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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?

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My best friend keeps telling me to “cheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”

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Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?

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I knew I shouldn't have had the sea food.

1

My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.

1

How do you know if a sniper likes you?

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I made a graph showing my past relationships..

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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

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Xbox was struggling...

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My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

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I would do a steak joke..

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Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?

1

My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.

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Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,

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I have a joke about time travel

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Why don't developers carry guns?

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I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.

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What's red and smells like blue paint?

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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.

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I have a confession to make, I was addicted to soap.

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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?