The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

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Why shouldn't you shower with a Pokemon around?

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Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.

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People say I have equivocal thoughts

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As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”

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The other day my best friend met his fate after accidentally falling into a printing press at work.

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After 20 years of working on it, I finally finished my physics book.

-1

I'm a walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation,

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What do you call a witch who lives in the desert?

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[Walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough,

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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

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I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

1

Why did the Muffin go to the doctor?

0

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

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Im going to be a circumcision doctor...

0

Never, ever invest in Velcro....

0

Keep the Earth clean.

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, bartender looks at him and says

1

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

0

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump’s wall

0

Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?

0

How does am armless man play poker?

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Why shouldn't sandwiches have kids?

0

The person who invented autocorrect

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What do you call a happy rabbit?

0

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

0

Where do naughty rainbows go?

2

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.

0

What did the painter do when it got cold...

12

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?