The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

3

My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...

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Why couldn't the Olympian listen to music?

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Just read an article about the top ten exposed electrical circuits.

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Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?

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What do you call two trans midgets havin sex?

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A horse walks into a bar...

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Girlfriend selling her Audi.. “ok guys, say goodbye to the Audi.”

2

What has two butts and kills people?

1

I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.”

3

Its getting too hot to wear a suit

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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

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What did the painter do when it got cold...

1

Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho. Son: you mean marathon.

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Time flies when you're having fun.

1

I ran over 5 miles today

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture

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Where does an electric cord go to shop?

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If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?

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The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear...

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What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

1

What superhero gets hurt the easiest?

1

What do you call a slow moving poop?

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I didn't think orthopedic shoes would help

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Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?

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What do you call a fat psychic?

3

Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

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What kind of shoes do spies wear?

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Call me a taxi!

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June’s over?

-1

What do you call a noodle that doesn’t drink?