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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
0
What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?
400 Million Dollars.
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0
You guys hear about the depressed plumber?
He’s going through a lot of crap right now.
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1
Lying about my age is easier
now that I often forget what it is.
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0
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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0
If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?
No, he's avoiding a kidnapping.
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0
Considering getting my circumcision reversed.
Anyone have any tips?
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0
You know people say they pick their nose?
I was just born with mine.
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A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station.
Now you know why they call it a workstation.
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0
What's green, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree, could kill you?
A pool table!
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“Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dadglasses?”
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Me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000 Her: sure
Me: K
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Vodka may not be the answer,
but it’s worth a shot.
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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
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Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?
Because he got his foot stuck in a quack.
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It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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1
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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Although my friend has a lot of hair, he’s paranoid about going bald.
I told him, “It’s all in your head.”
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I'm a catholic
I've been addicted to cats my whole life
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0
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
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0
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
A frostitute.
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0
If a chinese man has to pay, what's his name?
Ka Ching
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0
What kind of tool fixes allergies?
A Benadryl
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7
What do you call a dragon with no wings
Draggin
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1
Lying about my age is easier
now that I often forget what it is.
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0
What does a house wear?
Address
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0
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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0
Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,
right where it hertz.
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0
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.
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Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?
Shuriken.
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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