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Did you hear about the guy who had the whole left side of his body amputated?
He's alright now.
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My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
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Mom: I thought you said you were running away with the circus.
Daughter: I did, but the police made me bring it back.
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Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all of his uncles were ants!
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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
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