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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
2
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
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0
My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
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0
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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0
I saw an ad for burial plots,
and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
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0
Our family is like a fine cheese.
We get funkier with age.
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1
Why do dogs have such a great attitude?
They like to stay paws-itive
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0
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
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0
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
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0
I like playing chess with old people in the park...
But it's kind of hard to find 32 of them.
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0
I drank some food coloring
The doctor says I'm okay, but I'm dyeing inside
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0
Wanna hear a ghost joke?
Thats the spirit..
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0
If organ trafficking is illegal,
then what about pianos?
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0
Why do some people post long jokes here??
This isn't where they be long.
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0
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
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0
People who work in gas stations are lucky...
They've got a fuelfilling job!
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4
Earlier I spotted an albino Dalmatian...
It was the least I could do for him.
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0
What do you call a bear that travels between the north and South Pole?
A bi-polar bear
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2
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin
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0
The strangest part about picking out a name for your child is
realizing how many people you hate.
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0
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 40000$ and a hairline
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0
My wife told me that I have a dad bod.
I disagree. I clearly have a father figure.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Albee. Albee who?
Well Albee a monkey's uncle.
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0
Why is honey good for you?
It’s full of Bee vitamins.
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0
After a fish was arrested for swimming without a license, he eventually posted bail.
Relieved, he said, "I'm off the hook!"
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0
Why are people talking about Mayweather?
It's August
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0
While I was at the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.
People started giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
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0
Wanted to go and buy a used smartwatch
But there's no second hand available.
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0
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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0
Invent a drink called "Responsibly"
and your advertising is set forever.
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0
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.
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They say the next big innovation in air travel is completely transparent planes, but I don’t know...
I can’t see it taking off.
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
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