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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
2
What I if told you
You read the title wrong.
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0
I just turned 18 so now I shouldn’t need my glasses anymore
I’m still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in
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0
Why did the pencil get flushed down the toilet?
It was a #2!
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0
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
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0
I was attacked by a gang of people with Obsessive–compulsive disorder.
It was organized crime.
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0
There are 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
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0
What's the one thing a homeless man can't be?
A homebody.
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0
A captain harpooned a whale's tail on his first throw.
He said, "Well, that was a fluke."
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0
"Dad, will the pizza be long?"
"No, it will probably be round."
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0
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hoptimist
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0
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
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0
To all the people out there suffering with paranoia just remember
you're not alone.
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0
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Bumblebee. Bumblebee who?
Your bumblebee cold if you don't wear pants.
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0
Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
Mr. Bigger’s baby, because he’s a little Bigger
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2
What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?
Envelope.
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0
I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me
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0
What does the farmer say after digging a hole so deep it reaches underground water?
Well done!
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0
What did the flower say to the bicycle?
"Petal! Petal!"
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0
Who cleans the ocean?
Mer-maids!
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0
I have a joke about time travel
but you didn't like it...
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1
Have you heard about the new movie Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.
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0
What do Romanians do when they're tired?
They Bucharest
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0
A skeleton walks into a bar
He asks for a glass of beer and a mop
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0
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
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0
Doctor: I'm sorry sir, but you have colon cancer...
Me: No: I don:t believe you:
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
Kumquat may, I'll always love you.
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0
Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.
A lot of people take them for granite.
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0
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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0
"Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
No sun.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Dion. Dion who?
I'm dion of thirst here!
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
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