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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
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Previous Dates
0
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
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0
Rated
This joke will be underrated.
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0
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
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2
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
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0
I was fired from a bank.
When a woman asked me to check her balance, I pushed her over.
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0
What's the best kind of booze if you want to dance all night long?
Wild Twerky
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3
I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
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0
My friend told me he was Jewish.
I was like, “No way!” And he was like, “Yahweh.”
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0
You know what actually makes me smile?
My Facial muscles
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0
I have an old calculator that’s missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
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0
What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?
I feel good from my head tomatoes.
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1
I clean all my weapons with tree sap.
Some say I’m crazy, but I’m sticking to my guns.
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0
My name’s David, but my Chinese friends call me Dawei.
I guess that’s just dawei it is.
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-1
My blind friend was left by his deaf wife.
He didn't see the signs.
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0
Why was dumbo sad?
He felt irrelephant.
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0
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work!
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0
Three candies you'll find in every school: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.
One you'll hear in any classroom: Snickers.
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0
People say circumcision doesn’t hurt, but i have to disagree.
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
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5
I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.
My next poop could spell disaster.
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0
Why do some people post long jokes here??
This isn't where they be long.
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0
What do you call 2 crows?
Attempted murder.
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0
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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0
Do you think..
Earth makes fun of other planets for having no life?!
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0
What is an epileptic's favourite appetiser?
Seizure salad
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1
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!
Psychiatrist: Sit over there. I'll deal with you later!
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0
What do you call an insect born without a mouth?
A mute ant.
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0
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
Its not hard
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0
Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?
Because he's always a little fishy.
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0
Have you heard of the restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
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9
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
Itenticle.
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0
What do you call a rectangle that got into an accident?
... a wrecked angle.
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Joke of the Day
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
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