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Why is no one friends with Dracula?
Because he's a pain in the neck.
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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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Give ‘em the punchline first!
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
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I used to work at a calendar factory,
but I got fired for taking a couple days off.
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Do windmills like punk rock?
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