The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

Previous Dates

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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

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I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs.

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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

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Broken guitar for sale.

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If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”

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This one time, all the rooms in a hotel were booked. But then comes this one guy, who asks for a room, in the same hotel, and gets one easily.

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

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Husband: Help! My wife is going into labor! 911 Operator: Is this her first child?

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Why is no one friends with Dracula?

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I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.

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I got a job as a human cannonball.

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What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?

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I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

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“Dad, can you call mom’s phone? She can’t find it.”

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I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year.

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My flat-earther friend started walking to the edge of the earth to prove that the earth is flat.

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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...

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Who won the skeleton fitness contest?

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My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-

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What do you call a tea that looks really good?

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Why was Nala so upset with Simba?

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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

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Me and my wife were perfectly happy for 28 years

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I'll never forget the last thing that Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket:

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What do you call karate for amputees?

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At the end of the day...

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Have you heard about the new movie Constipation?

4

What's stronger than a fortune cookie?

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Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!" The other asks, "Are you sure?"

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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..

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I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor.