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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
0
How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
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1
I was going to tell a railway joke..
But I lost my Train of thought.
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0
Who is a dog's favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx.
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1
I'll never forget the last thing that Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket:
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
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0
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...
... then my illegal logging operation is a great success.
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0
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
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1
If you bury someone in the wrong place,
you've made a grave mistake.
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0
“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
Someone told him to “get along little doggie”.
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A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says "hey" . . The horse replies "sure"
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Why are the Avengers so good with tools?
They’re always assembling
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Why do barbers make good drivers?
They know all the shortcuts.
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0
If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?
CELLphies
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You know what actually makes me smile?
My Facial muscles
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How do ponies communicate with each other?
Horse code.
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If I dont perfect human cloning..
I won't be able to live with myself.
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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Her/she
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0
A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
It said "Parking Fine"
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I was arrested for stealing cooking utensils
But it was worth the whisk
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The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
That shit was bananas.
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Why didn't the dad shower before telling his joke?
Because he wanted to tell a dirty joke.
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0
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
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1
Doctor: How's that kid who swallowed the half-dollar?
Nurse: No change yet.
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0
The guy who stole my diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
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My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
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2
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Riceless
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Disaster. Disaster who?
Disaster be my lucky day!
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0
What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
The space bar
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1
I was going to buy a book about phobias,
but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
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0
Did you hear about the guy who invented Altoids?
He made a mint.
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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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