The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I got a job in a coffee shop. I feel like I can espresso myself there.

Previous Dates

6

The hardest part for someone when coming out

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How do alcoholics get in their house?

0

Do you know what’s up?

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These reversing cameras are great.

0

Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?

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My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

11

Did you hear about the deaf shepherd?

0

So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

0

Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team?

0

My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.

0

What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

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Been torturing a centipede for the last 98 days…

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How does an octopus go to war?

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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

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I saw a MOM hanging upside down today!

1

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

-1

My wife caught me cross dressing and told me it was over.

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What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...

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I'm a parent, so I'm always right. There was one time I thought I was wrong.

0

Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?

0

What did the ocean say to the sailboat?

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What did the big bucket say to the small bucket?

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How do you split the ocean in half?

0

Why are mints so smart?

0

I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery

1

Gold walks into a bar

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Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree hasn’t been the worst thing that happened to me today.

0

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?