The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

0

My dog is really good at playing fetch

Previous Dates

0

I robbed a kitchen utensil store

0

If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria

0

Knock-knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who?

0

What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?

1

If you bury someone in the wrong place,

1

Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

6

A man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”

0

I won an award for being the best scarecrow in my field.

0

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

1

What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?

0

My cousins are like the letter K.

0

Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

0

If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?

6

The hardest part for someone when coming out

0

How do alcoholics get in their house?

0

Do you know what’s up?

0

These reversing cameras are great.

0

Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?

0

My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

0

I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

11

Did you hear about the deaf shepherd?

0

So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

0

Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team?

0

My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.

0

What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

0

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

0

Been torturing a centipede for the last 98 days…

0

How does an octopus go to war?

0

Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

0

I saw a MOM hanging upside down today!

1

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"