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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
-2
I have sex daily
Edit: I have dyslexia*
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0
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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3
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...
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0
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
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0
I'd like to start dieting...
...but I just have too much on my plate right now.
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0
Why did the smartphone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts.
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0
I know loads of jokes about cash machines.
I just can't think of one atm.
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1
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
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1
My wife says she's good at yoga.
I think she's a poser.
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0
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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0
To the man who invented 0
Thanks for nothing
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0
Who is the patron saint of e-mail?
St. Francis of a CC.
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0
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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0
What is a mummy's favorite music genre?
Wrap
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2
I just flew in from a Transformers convention
And boy are my arms tires
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2
Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station.
Investigators have nothing to go on.
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0
Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?
Dad: No problem. (To me) Hey, you live with this guy from now on.
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0
What does a dentist get on his one-year work anniversary?
A little plaque.
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1
My six-pack is very precious to me.
That's why I protect it with a layer of fat.
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0
Last week at the zoo, I saw a baguette in a cage.
It made me sad, because I knew it was bread in captivity.
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0
Our wedding was so beautiful …
Even the cake was in tiers.
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0
I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
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0
What did the yogi tell his restless students?
Don't just do something...sit there!
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0
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette
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1
Why did the nazi got run over?
Because he did nazi that coming.
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0
What did the bear say after hibernation?
I’m bearly awake.
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0
Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
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0
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?
HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
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0
What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
Keanu Sleeves
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0
Why did the Mexican push two of his three children off a cliff?
He only wanted Juan.
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0
What do you call a cow that learns how to belly dance?
A milkshake!
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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