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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Previous Dates
0
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...
... then my illegal logging operation is a great success.
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0
I'm a parent, so I'm always right. There was one time I thought I was wrong.
But as it turns out, I was wrong.
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Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?
Air bee and bee.
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0
What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
Nothing, it just waved.
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0
What did the big bucket say to the small bucket?
"You're looking a little pail!"
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0
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea saw
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Why are mints so smart?
Because mints make cents.
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0
I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
Hashtag nofilter
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1
Gold walks into a bar
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
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0
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree hasn’t been the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
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0
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
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0
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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0
I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...
I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"
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2
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
Everyone.
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1
I've developed a fear of negative numbers.
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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0
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.
Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it?
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1
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
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5
My dad used to hit me with cameras
I still have flashbacks
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0
My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.
All I have now is a Nico-less cage.
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0
My wife said I was immature.
So I told her to get out of my fort.
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0
Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.
Aisle weight.
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7
People told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they turned out lovely
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0
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
It could be a lifesaver.
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1
How did the whale defend itself?
With a swordfish.
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1
I've developed a fear of negative numbers.
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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1
What is Santa’s religion?
He’s eggnogstic.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Albee. Albee who?
Well Albee a monkey's uncle.
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0
What did the fat girl say to the pig?
Da-hammm
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1
To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...
If she bites you, she's a female.
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0
How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
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1
I was going to tell a railway joke..
But I lost my Train of thought.
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Joke of the Day
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
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