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I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
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Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off?
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A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from her vegetarian resturaunt.
I was a bit confused, I'd never met herbivore.
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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says:
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I was kidnapped by mimes once
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