The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

0

What do Spanish clocks say?

Previous Dates

0

Don't trust atoms.

6

My son asked me what procrastinate meant.

0

My son was crying today because he spilled his scrambled eggs all over his art supplies.

0

Where do dead bricks go?

0

Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me

0

What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

0

Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

0

I dated a twin once...

0

What brand of car does an Egg drive?

-2

If Jesus was the Lamb of God and Mary gave birth to Jesus..

0

"I want to hate my life in a different building"

0

Shout out to the people wondering

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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?

0

What do you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

0

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

0

I came up with a new word yesterday:

0

I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.

0

Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?

0

I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.

0

My wife got me an alarm clock out of the blue.

2

I once made a belt out of $50 bills

0

Last night I dreamed I wrote Lord of the Rings.

0

Narnia was a really progressive film

0

Why did the two 4s skip dinner?

1

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

0

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

0

What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

1

How did the whale defend itself?

0

Broken bridges really annoy me.

0

Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?

0

How does a penguin build its house?