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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Previous Dates
0
Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me
He can now ride a bike without training wheels
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What do you call a sheep without legs?
A cloud.
REVEAL ANSWER
1
“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?
A tall tale.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Desdemona. Desdemona who?
Desdemona Lisa still hang in the Louvre?
REVEAL ANSWER
0
The iPhone vs Android debate has to stop!
It's too devicive.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store
I don’t know how he sleeps at night
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Disaster. Disaster who?
Disaster be my lucky day!
REVEAL ANSWER
0
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory,
I mean, all I did was take a day off.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hoptimist
REVEAL ANSWER
0
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…
But it was his dumb asphalt…
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0
Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?
Because a mother knows breast.
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0
What are the four worst words you can hear on a golf course?
"It's still your turn."
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1
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?
Plastic explosives.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What do you call a pissed off redhead?
A gingersnap!
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0
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
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0
What did the latino man sing when he lost his job?
Living la Vida Broke-a
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-1
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters
All I found was 13,769 matches
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0
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.
It's going rival.
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1
Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?
Because they’ve got a Supreme Ruler.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What does a turtle do on their birthday?
They shellabrate
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Why are Russian cars so terrible?
Because no matter what gear they get Putin, they seem to always be Stalin..
REVEAL ANSWER
0
I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
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0
I'm a catholic
I've been addicted to cats my whole life
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
It improves division.
REVEAL ANSWER
-2
I have sex daily
Edit: I have dyslexia*
REVEAL ANSWER
0
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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Joke of the Day
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
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