The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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My dog is really good at playing fetch

Previous Dates

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I have an old calculator that’s missing the minus button.

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What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?

1

I clean all my weapons with tree sap.

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My name’s David, but my Chinese friends call me Dawei.

-1

My blind friend was left by his deaf wife.

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Why was dumbo sad?

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What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?

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Three candies you'll find in every school: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

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People say circumcision doesn’t hurt, but i have to disagree.

5

I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.

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Why do some people post long jokes here??

0

What do you call 2 crows?

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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?

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Do you think..

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What is an epileptic's favourite appetiser?

1

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

0

What do you call an insect born without a mouth?

0

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

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Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?

0

Have you heard of the restaurant called Karma?

9

What do you call two octopuses that look the same?

0

What do you call a rectangle that got into an accident?

0

What has two legs and flies?

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An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?

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My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

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What do you call an apology sent via Morse Code?

0

If you are out in the forest all by yourself and a bear charges you, what should you do?

0

Being a great father is like shaving.

1

My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"

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My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

0

What are a communist's favorite units of time?