The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.

Previous Dates

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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

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I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”

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I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.

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What begins with “f” and ends in “uck”

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I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

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I met some aliens from outer space.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke?

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Being a cardiac surgeon...

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Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..

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Why can't you play basketball with pigs?

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What do you call an ugly dinosaur?

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I'm going to have my spine removed

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There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

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I went to buy camouflage pants,

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Why did Waldo wear stripes?

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Why did the cat run away from the tree?

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I used to be indecisive

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I entered a horse themed costume contest dressed up as an elephant

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Why does the ocean roar?

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A midget stumbles out of the bar...

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What does a turtle do on their birthday?

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

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When's the best time to go to the dentist?

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I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.

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What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?

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A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

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I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

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Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

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I love politically incorrect jokes. Here’s my favorite.