The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

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I'm not fat.

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Why are cats bad storytellers?

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Shout out to the people wondering

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When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

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I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.

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What do you call a caveman's fart?

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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type

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My Sister Bet Me $15 I Couldn't Build a Car Out Of Spaghetti

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What does BOAT stand for?

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My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

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I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.

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My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

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My wife and I have decided we don't want kids.

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What is the opposite of a croissant?

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My flat-earther friend started walking to the edge of the earth to prove that the earth is flat.

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What makes more noise than a T-rex?

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To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...

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Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

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What is the hardest part about sky diving?

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What do you call a group of baby soldiers?

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Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.

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They'll never win a war on drugs.

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These jokes about boomerangs are really getting out of hand...

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The only time I get called "Sir" is when I'm in trouble.

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What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

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Doctor: I'm afraid your DNA is backwards, sir.

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A Mexican magician said that he could disappear on the count of three. He started "unos, dos.."

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My son tied his first tie today.

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What do you called a sad coffee?

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If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..