The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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My dog is really good at playing fetch

Previous Dates

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I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.

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So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

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Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.

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Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?

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While most puns make me numb...

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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.

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A couple of research scientists had twins.

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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?

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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

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Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

1

What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?

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What did Beethoven become after he died?

1

What do you call an iron deficient female?

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My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

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What do you call someone who sells noodles for money?

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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

4

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

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What’s a cats favourite button on the tv remote?

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I was fired from the keyboard factory

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What rapper is in a toolbox?

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When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing

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Dad jokes are the best and heres why

2

There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.

7

People told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic

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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

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On the anniversary of his birth, devotees of a certain yogi asked what gifts they might bring.

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Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

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A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

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How do you know you've been left somewhere

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People who think semi-colons & commas are the same,

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What happens when a llama gets on top of you?