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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?
Because it was yellow.
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Previous Dates
-1
You know you're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling...
and you didn't do anything the night before.
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1
Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
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1
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on so many levels.
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0
At the end of the day...
It's just midnight!
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0
What's more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling Bee
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0
I just bought a new house. It has no plumbing.
It's un-can-ny.
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2
Why did Spiderman quit his day job?
Why did Spiderman quit his day job?
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0
Why did the Mexican take some Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
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5
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
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0
Is infinity odd or even?
Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.
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1
Why did the octopus blush?
She saw the ocean's bottom.
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0
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.
Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it?
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0
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Inflation
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6
A man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”
The doctor said “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms!
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0
Never, ever invest in Velcro....
It's a total rip-off
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0
I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
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1
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
Yup! It runs in your jeans!
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0
My son said, “Dad, I have to pee very badly!”
I said “Son, you’re 14. You should be pretty good at that by now.”
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Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
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0
My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.
It was ironic, because we were at the bus stop.
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0
How do priests stay fit?
They exorcise
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0
My grandfather was an honorable, brave man. He had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
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0
How quiet should a bowling alley be?
You should be able to hear a pin drop.
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0
What do you call a male renaissance artist with a bowl of jelly?
Michael and jello.
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0
My son turned 18 today so I bought him a locket and put his picture in it...
I guess you could say I wanted him to be independent!
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0
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months
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0
My friend and his girlfriend have been in a serious relationship for 5 years.
I’ve heard neither of them ever tell a joke.
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0
I dated a twin once...
I once dated a twin. My friend asked me how I told them apart. I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek. And Frank has a beard.
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1
We're opening a gym called Resolutions. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks of the year
and then turn into a bar for the rest of it.
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0
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything!
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1
Having a 12 inch nose is anatomically impossible,
because at that point it becomes a foot.
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Joke of the Day
An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?
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