The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

Previous Dates

1

Vegetarian is an old Indian word.

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I gave all my dead batteries away today…

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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

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Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good

3

Why do elephants have trunks?

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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

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The garbage man looks sad.

1

What's the opposite of urine?

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You know there's no official training for garbage men?

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How is a dog like a phone?

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I was asked at an interview what my weakness is. I replied "I'm too honest". The interviewer said "I don't consider honesty a weakness".

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Why is Magic Johnson not afraid of going deaf?

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My girlfriend really changed when she became vegan.

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What is black and white and sits on a swing?

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What happened when Richie drank 8 cokes?

1

I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing

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How do you tuna fish?

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They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

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When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave

2

There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.

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I like my women the way I like my coffee.

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Why do bees have sticky hair?

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What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?

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If a chinese man has to pay, what's his name?

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Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his cake?

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They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

6

I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.

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I hate people who don't use punctiation.

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Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?