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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
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Previous Dates
0
How did the farmer mend the holes in his jeans?
With cabbage patches.
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0
What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?
Assymmetrical
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0
How do ponies communicate with each other?
Horse code.
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0
What’s blue and not heavy
Light blue
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1
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless
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0
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
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1
Did you hear about the Giant that threw up?
It’s all over town.
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0
Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?
Because a mother knows breast.
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0
When I was born I was so surprised,
I didn't talk for a year and a half.
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1
What superhero gets hurt the easiest?
Bruise Wayne
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1
You know there's no official training for garbagemen?
They just pick things up as they go along.
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0
What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?
Assymmetrical
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1
Bro, do you want this pamphlet?
Brochure
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0
I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.
He's now high on the list of people I don't want to see again.
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1
Mary had a little lamb.
She's not a vegan anymore.
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0
What do you call a short mexican?
A paragraph, because hes too short to be an esse
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0
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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0
My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
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0
What do you call an apology sent via Morse Code?
Remorse Code.
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0
What jokes are allowed during lockdown?
Inside jokes
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2
Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor.
Period.
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0
What language do geese speak?
Portugeese..
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0
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
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0
Why did the dad tell the joke
To get to the other sigh
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0
Have you heard the joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made yet!
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0
You can tell the gender of any animal by just throwing a pebble at it.
If SHE attacks you then it's a female or If HE attacks you then it's a male.
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0
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought
“I can't turn that down.”
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0
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
Its not hard
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1
What did the archer get when he hit a bull's-eye?
One very angry bull.
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0
I had a pun about insanity
but then I lost it.
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0
I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living there.
He said he couldn't complain.
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Joke of the Day
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
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