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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Previous Dates
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What do you call a bodybuilder in jail?
Mitochondrion.
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1
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
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0
My wife is a body builder.
Yep, she’s pregnant.
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My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
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2
We would tell you another swimming joke,
but it's too watered down to be funny.
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0
Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?
His career was in ruins.
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0
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
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What kind of candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.
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I had been out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home.
That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
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My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"
I said "No it doesn't"
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What did the bystander say to the abusive farmer?
Stop beating your meat!
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What's the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half.
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0
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says "hey" . . The horse replies "sure"
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What’s the best way to get to the capital of Senegal?
Dakar
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What kind of candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.
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0
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
I said okay... Bi den.
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0
An astronaut was being sucked into a black hole. He frantically tried to escape...
...but nothing worked. It was una-void-able.
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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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How do you know you've been left somewhere
You're not in the right place
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I said it once and I'll say it again
it
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I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition.
Guess I better step up my game.
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After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.
Every time I walk by she says, “What an Ass.”
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0
What does the clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
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0
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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1
I keep asking iris why some people have dyslexia, but she won't answer.
Maybe my iPhone is just broken.
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0
Which day do eggs hate?
Fry-day
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2020 can’t end
Because we’d be admitting 2021.
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My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down
My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later.
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0
How did the farmer mend the holes in his jeans?
With cabbage patches.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who?
Candy kid ever learn to clean up his room?
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7
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screen shots.
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Joke of the Day
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
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