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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
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How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let’s go ride bikes!
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Why don't vegans have sex?
Because beating meat is animal cruelty.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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