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Wife: I thought we agreed on three beers and be home by ten.
Husband: I'm sorry, honey, I always get those two mixed up.
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I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I don’t know what to make of it.
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
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Can monsters do math?
Not unless you count Dracula
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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