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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
My dog is really good at playing fetch
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
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Previous Dates
0
How often do people who study scientific elements tell dad jokes?
Periodically
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2
What happened to the barber after he got caught on fire?
He got side burns.
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0
I like to tell dad jokes, but I don’t have kids.
I'm a faux pa!
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-1
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
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1
Why are burglars so sensitive?
Because they take things personally.
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0
Here’s a little bit of advice.
Advi
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1
What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep?
He goes under cover.
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0
I find bone puns very
Humerus
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0
My friend bit off his tongue.
He doesn’t like to talk about it.
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0
If you're feeling under the weather, spend a night in a smokehouse.
You'll be cured in no time.
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0
I call my horse Mayo,
and sometimes Mayo Neighs.
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0
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work!
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1
Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
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0
Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good
Jack and the beans talk
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0
What language do geese speak?
Portugeese..
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0
What would The Jetsons be called if they were black?
The Jetsons, you racist!
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0
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
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0
Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
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1
My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".
So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.
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0
What's the difference between a dad joke and a regular joke?
One has parental guidance.
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0
I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
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0
What do you call a group of butchers?
A meating
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0
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
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0
Where do dead bricks go?
To the cementry
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0
I work for the world's biggest nanotechnology company.
We're not very good.
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0
Why was six afraid of seven
Because seven was a well known six offender
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0
I don't trust those trees in our yard.
They're shady.
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0
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.
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0
I help my kids with calculus and algebra.
But graphing is where I draw the line.
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0
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because at the end of the day..
it's evening.
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0
Spring is here!
I got so excited I wet my plants!
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Joke of the Day
My dog is really good at playing fetch
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